Give yourself the structure you need

Isis – capitals in the temple of Isis. From the journey to Egypt (1903)  |  Jan Ciągliński (Polish, 1858 - 1913)

Let’s talk structure & life foundations

In this article, I’m going to be sharing a personal life example on one of my struggles; with structure, and show you how the process of self discovery and evaluation looks like when you know that something needs adjustment and change!

This article is PERFECT FOR YOU if you are like me, EMOTIONAL & FREE-SPIRITED. (It’s important for people like us to have a strong, grounded foundation.)

Here’s what I’ll be discussing in this article, for those of you who like a good outline :)

1. How my relationship with structure began

2. Freedom and chaotic structure-lessness

3. The big re-evaluation & adjusting values

4. Healing the past & journals prompts for you

Buckle UP! We’re diving deep, head first as usual!

Ahh, good ole structured discipline & I

I honestly could have saved so much time for myself and so much struggle if I learned from the start that structure is so necessary.

As a “free-spirited”, intuitive, emotional, sensitive, artistic woman, structure was synonymous with rigid discipline and that was a major “no thanks” from me.

After living a life of trying to meet so much rigidness from my environment, this really created unhealthy patterns within myself.

Some of which looked like:

• a perpetual not good enough-ness

• unworthiness

• lack of self-compassion for “falling” out of this rigid structure

• inner criticism projected into external judgment of others

• disconnection from myself at the cost of maintaining “discipline”

• lack of authentic self-expression

• & so many other subtle patterns.

You could say I felt burnt out and jaded by “discipline”. It had done nothing for me but create these patterns that I then needed to go back and heal through, to shift the inner narratives and energy.

But I also realized that something needed to change asap, because it wasn’t looking great without it.

Life without structure

So obviously, I swung from one polarity to the other. A very human thing to do.

I swung from overly rigid structure to a completely free-flowing, structure-less life. And man oh man, in some ways this felt worse.

In this time period, I learned that my needs for structure and safety were paramount. They were key factors in my life satisfaction and also my ability to truly enjoy life.

Allowing myself the freedom of structure-lessness ended up feeling too fucking chaotic. Like WAY TOO chaotic.

Here’s why

I am by nature an emotional being.

Hellloooo, I’m a woman!!!

(And I have NO issue embracing and accepting that it makes me more emotional and sensitive. Which is not a weakness, but in fact my greatest strength. More on that in a minute.)

So, let’s pair this internally sensitive and already free-flowing emotional nature with a deep need for structure and safety (albeit subconscious at the time) and toss it into a structureless environment.

Yeah, no bueno, I can tell you that!

I felt constantly tossed about, at the whim of whatever was in the moment. And for someone who is emotionally sensitive, that is…. a lot of things!

Ok, so now what?

Time for a re-evaluation.

Let’s take a look shall we. A walk down memory lane.

1. Life begins.

2. I get thrust into a very rigid environment.

3. It’s only one way or the highway.

4. I struggle with this rigid structure. It makes me feel suffocated and oppresses against one of my primary values; freedom. (Which ironically may have become activated from these early life experiences.)

5. I rebel and choose to break out of the suffocation of this structure & discipline.

6. I feel temporary relief from the freedom of choosing myself & learning to love myself.

7. But now, the lack of structure is fucking with my nervous system and needs for safety.

Seems like the “free-spirited” approach isn’t for everyone.

My body was saying NO, I felt mentally unclear and disorganized, and it didn’t FEEL good.

I wondered if maybe I was being an OCD, controlling, “can’t-let-go-and-surrender-to-the-unknown-of-life” type of person. As if it was a bad thing or not spiritual enough to plan and be practical.

But really, I believe that we are all hardwired differently.

Some people really seem to enjoy this free-spirited approach, and some not so much.

Me? I’m more of a middle person.

Understanding my values to re-adjust

Understanding what is important to you and what your values are will help you make the decisions that are in alignment to your deepest principles and desires for your life.

For me, my primary most important values are; freedom and structure/safety.

Kinda funny how they seem like they would be total opposites, don’t they?

Well, now that I knew this, I could see why a totally free spirited approach wasn’t working for me. It left me completely neglecting my values for structure/safety.

This was the missing puzzle piece for me.

A dive into the past & releasing old patterns

Now that I was aware of my need for safety/structure, it was time to look into the past that I was still holding onto within myself in order to release and move forward.

Honestly? This is what MOST people don’t do. They refuse to look at it and it lingers in the background subconsciously controlling all their actions and often creating predictable patterns of behaviors.

And it begins with where it all STARTED for you. Your earliest impressions and memories.

For me, concerning structure, that was in my childhood.

All of the energy that got bound up around “structure” had to do with oppression, feeling trapped, suffocating, etc. The patterns that I mentioned in the beginning of this article were just the tip of the ice-berg.

Yeah, no wonder why I was subconsciously trying to keep myself from having structure after experiencing this and discovering my value for freedom that I didn’t want to compromise.

Explaining my process of becoming aware of old patterns

If you take a look at the themes of my childhood that I’ve shared in this article, you will notice that STRUCTURE previously meant LACK of FREEDOM.

I deduced that by looking at the THEMATIC ENERGY around STRUCTURE.

Here are some helpful self-reflection questions.

(I have over time intuitively and automatically begun asking myself these and “feeling” out for the energy. The more you practice asking yourself, the quicker it will become for you to notice the patterns of energy.)

For your self-reflection.

1. What were my first experiences of “X” like?

2. How did it make me feel?

3. What/Why did I not like about it?

4. What would I have preferred & why?

5. What are the values attached to my preference?

Quickly, here’s how that would look with my personal example around discipline and structure.

1. My experiences around structure were consistently imposed upon me.

2. It felt like suffocation, frustration, lack of freedom and self expression, too rigid.

3. I didn’t like that because I believe and feel that freedom to self-express openly and authentically are vital to a joyful, healthy life.

4. I would have preferred a structure and environment that promoted freedom and safety to self-express because it is in alignment with my inner nature + inherent values

   • And I would not have had to struggle + clear through a distorted relationship with structure.

5. The values attached are freedom, authenticity, & safety.

Do you see the pattern emerge? It’s obvious when you write it down.

Remember, the self-reflection is for you to notice what themes and energies you carry around “X”.

“You need to clear the internal pattern to have lasting change in your external reality.”

— Yours truly

Let’s recap everything so far

1. My early relationship with structure & the unhealthy patterns it was causing me.

2. My experience of going no structure - free spirited & why it wasn’t working.

3. The re-evaluating & re-adjusting to my newly realized values.

4. A look into my past and where my unhealthy patterns with structure started.

   • Explaining my process for you to understand how to apply this into your life

Still following along?

This article is really meant to serve as a personal example of how to move through your own struggles and understand the lessons you are being taught, as well as the self reflections that prompt these changes.

But chances are that you are reading this article because of your own desire to explore your relationship with structure.

So, my question to you dear reader is; what is your relationship to structure like?

You will find all the answers you seek within your honesty to observe what is within. The problem, where it started from, who “taught” it to you, what you are still carrying from the past, and how that is currently affecting you in your life. Then you can ask yourself what it is you would like it to look like and what actions you need to take to implement that change.

So, what’s next from here?

Once you become aware of a distorted pattern within yourself, the next step to this process is really to heal through the past energy still lingering in your systems.

Mind, body, spirit coherence is required for deeply understanding yourself and lasting change.

Because this one article is quite in depth, I will be exploring how to release past energy and patterns in another divinely timed article. I highly encourage you to re-read and especially go through the process I’ve laid out for your inner self-reflection.

Stay tuned for that one!

In the meantime, happy soul exploration. Until next time <3

XOXO ~ Gurjot