Here’s how to be vulnerable

Lady Godiva (1898)  |  John Collier (English, 1850 – 1934)

I woke up in the morning and this was the thought that arose for me with the whisper of “write an article.”

I’ve been deeply learning my own lessons in vulnerability in the last 2 or so years, and it is a lesson I am still learning to apply.

So call it imposter syndrome, but I thought to myself, “what could I possibly write about vulnerability as if I have an authority of expertise and wisdom to share on this topic?”

Meaning; I’m still learning to be deeply vulnerable, who tf am I to write an article teaching others about it?

But the intention that arose in my heart in the morning never budgeted. You see, mornings are the clearest time to tune in to my heart and to listen to the guidance from The Beloved for the day.

Do I always do what I’m guided to? Eeehhh, it’s a work in progress ;)

Anyways, here we are. Let’s see what the fuss has been all about and dive into vulnerability together.

Vulnerability and societal conditioning

I feel I should start out by addressing vulnerability and how we view it as a collective on Earth, but first a little backstory from me and my relationship to vulnerability.

Growing up in an unhealthy religious, immigrant household, vulnerability certainly wasn’t a staple characteristic ingredient found in the metaphorical home pantry.

In fact, I don’t even know of any vocab that translates to vulnerability in Punjabi. As a child, you were never encouraged to be vulnerable but instead to be quiet, obedient, and appropriate so as not to shame your parents.

(To be clear, I honor my parents and I understand the woven backstories of their lives and their divine purpose in my life and who Waheguru, the Creator is creating me to be. And I understand the deeply ingrained fears around cultural shame & dishonor in our Punjabi (South Asian) communities.

I honor my parents yet this is my story and I won’t shy away from telling it truthfully.)

There is no space for vulnerability when your life revolves around survival, sacrifice (+ the consequent self-neglect that it requires), and maintaining the image of the family.

What other’s think of you and your public reputation are perhaps the most important qualities in cultures that have a strong community background.

Imagine with me

Think of life before social media, even to 300 years ago when life was not predominantly global but local.

You are heavily involved in your community, you rely on others, other’s know you and your livelihood is really dependent on your good standing in the community.

Imagine being shunned, shamed, & ostracized? You are cut off from support and resources. It is devastating to the point of risking death.

In these tribal mindsets, you must align with the values & consciousness of the group. If not, you’re out and you’re on your own. That means sure death. It is a very primal fear, hardwired from however many millions of years as cave-people & living in tribal communities.

There is no lone wolfing this. There is power in numbers that being alone cannot have.

To be an individual and to honor your own self? Not a thing.

What we are experiencing in human history now is relatively new. It came with the advances of technology to where we are now with modern society having created the perfect recipe for freedom to live anywhere, to work anywhere, and where it’s more common now to not know others in your neighborhood and to keep to yourself.

We can now rely on technology & the comforts of modern society where once we used to rely on each other and our roles within the “village.”

Perhaps one of the benefits of capitalism is that it cares about making money, it doesn’t care about you (so it doesn’t care about your reputation therefor has removed what the consequences would have been in tribal communities).

Breaking away from tribal mindsets

With this comes the inevitable individuation process.

Now, when you don’t have to worry about shame, ostracization, or some other horrible consequence like the threat of your livelihood from disagreeing with the group, you can begin to honor yourself.

Never before have we had the chance of experiencing this in human history.

And it is from this root, of honoring yourself, that we sprout vulnerability; as courage in motion to share your humanity, your weaknesses and fears, and your imperfections with others.

But this is a new development in our history as a species and to older generations, they didn’t have the environments that fostered safe spaces for vulnerability.

This is where we come in now.

Changing the trajectory of humanity

We are all contributing to create a whole.

Our individuation process, of becoming our own individuals is so incredibly important. It is the natural next phase for humanity.

But the crucial key is that we practice vulnerability.

For we are not trying to fall into the trap of egoic individuation, where we become “independent” but our independence is actually rooted in a co-dependent egoic need to feel superior to others with what our “independence” has gained us.

I.E. we want to feel better than others & create our life around feeling good about ourselves based on how much we can “show” that we are better to others while pretending like we don’t care about what other’s think. Or “independence” that is a heart-closed defense mechanism.

This is becoming a serious issue with the rise of social media ironically.

Technology created the doorway to move away from tribal mindsets to becoming your own individual, yet social media is really highlighting the egoic individuation that we must steer away from so we may come into the light.

And now, let’s transition it back to vulnerability.

Vulnerability; the key moving forward

So, how does this all tie in?

Well, I wanted you to understand the “timeline” we have been on as humans, and that the evolutionary path forward is to move with courage, love, and vulnerability.

To show that you are a human, in all your highs & lows, to dare to be yourself and share yourself, to face your fears and any obstacles you go through in life and to share the journey with others.

When we share with others, we show them that it is okay to go through the same experience. It creates connection and it gives hope, that things will be alright.

So yes, vulnerability is courageous.

It took an incredible amount of courage for me to get divorced when I had so many weights of cultural + religious expectations, trauma, & oppressions. I had to choose to vulnerably love myself and face being unloved by others so I could honor myself and stand in my truth.

It is this vulnerable courage that weaves stories of acceptance & knowing your innate, divine worthiness that does not diminish in value no matter what you experience on Earth.

It is this very love in all it’s shades that is bringing us into the light. It is holding us in divine presence and it is what will change our world in the ways that we all desire this world to be.

A better, more beautiful place. And it is going to start with you.

With your vulnerability; to be yourself, to face yourself, to express & share yourself, & to love yourself no matter what.

To venture into the deepest depths of darkness & pain and still touch love, hope, forgiveness, compassion, worthiness, strength, vulnerability, and so many more virtues; there is nothing more courageous than that.

Access to abundance

For those that will take vulnerability into practice, you are sheparding all of your ancestors into a new paradigm.

Those that will choose to be vulnerable and to share their humanity with others rather than get stuck in the trap of egoic individuation that I explained above, will move into the flow of abundance.

The bridge between fear and courage comes from your willingness to be vulnerable with yourself and it is learning to navigate this very bridge and building it on a solid foundation that is going to lead you into your dreams and to your deepest fulfillment in life.

Abundance in the material and abundance within.

For those that will refuse to become vulnerable, they are becoming more ensnared within the ego, and therefor will suffer more than is necessary.

If you do not go willingly, you will eventually be shoved out of the nest. That is a nest of comfort, by the way, because vulnerability is tender and it hurts a little sometimes just as discomfort does.

To avoid the shadows of the psyche is to live in ignorance, move with courage and you will be rewarded by The Creator.

How to practice vulnerability for yourself

So, this wouldn’t really be a good article if I didn’t leave you with something to experiment with and practice for yourself.

Sure, we’ve learned the trajectory of our human species and that vulnerability is the steward for the path moving forward, plus touching very lightly on what happens to those who refuse to be vulnerable, but how can you practice this yourself?

What are some practical tools or methods for you to apply into your own life? Especially if you feel that you don’t know what vulnerability looks like.

So, here’s a question for you:

What are you afraid of?

• What are you afraid of facing within yourself?

• And what are you afraid of facing and doing in your reality?

I know it’s hard, I’ve been there

As I mentioned in the beginning of this article, we didn’t have space for vulnerability growing up, so that meant lots of facing things alone and not sharing with others.

Not sharing emotions, personal opinions, contradictory beliefs, not self-expressing openly and following curiosities and passions because it wasn’t appropriate to do so.

“Vulnerability requires valuing your authenticity, being brave enough to live it, and to “show the world” who you really are.”

In a highly demanding and critical environment, where there was hardly ever any praise given, vulnerability meant “weakness”, emotions were seen as a weakness, so to appear strong was to show no emotions.

The high criticism lead to developing perfectionist tendencies to do better and “be perfect” so as to make my immigrant parents proud. But that praise would never come, and to me that meant I wasn’t doing good enough, so I would try even harder, and all of that messy, silly, emotional, tender humanity had to be crushed behind a mask.

As I’ve spent a few years unraveling this within myself, the last 2 years being pretty intense for me, the more I am lead to embody that vulnerability is courage in motion.

That means being vulnerable with myself first before being able to be vulnerable with others.

Letting myself acknowledge my emotions and feel them, to let myself be sensitive and cry without intellectualizing and easily detaching from my emotions was huge.

When I first told myself that “I am worthy of love and being loved” a few years back, I balled my eyes out for a long time.

There is deep cleansing and releasing that happens in the tender, often still painful space of vulnerability.

I’ve grown up in an environment where I was laughed at when I broke down crying, asking why I was being treated so cruelly, while the other person gloated about “winning” and how they had “broken” me, as if this was some sort of honorary achievement.

Emotions had to be locked behind a very thick wall. It was the epitome of anti-vulnerability.

Now, I am (somewhat) of an open book, haha. Navigating my sacred boundaries with my vulnerability.

You can’t hide my emotions from my face, they are out on my sleeves, and I have been deeply learning to navigate vulnerability by expressing a full range of emotions with integrity, (sometimes) grace, and raw expression.

I can choose now, and I don’t need to hide behind masks now.

That’s a wrap

Vulnerability is a strength and I hope you leave this article knowing and believing that.

No matter where you have come from, how harsh your environment may have been, or how much of a weakness you may have been taught vulnerability is, know that you are so incredibly capable of practicing it and seeing for yourself how you will open and flourish when you do.

(Take me as an example if you need to.)

What has your relationship with vulnerability been like and how do you practice it now?

Let me know in the comments below and I’ll see you in the next one, my loves.

XOXO

Gurjot