6 steps to heal your inner critic
The Art Critic (1886) | John Henry Dolph (American, 1835-1903)
Oh, our inner critic.
Wouldn’t it just be so wonderful, to reach into our mind, pluck that inner critic out, and throw it as far away into the distance as we can? No more mean thoughts, making us feel small and worthless.
Just peace and quiet.
Ahhhh.
Sounds like a dream.
But…
B-U-T
You can work with your inner critic and heal it, so it’s voice is minimal and fleeting, and not a constant, debilitating, mental dialogue that takes up so much mental space and energy.
And while it may not be as gone as it would with a good throw into the distance, it can still help to quiet the mind and find more inner peace.
So I’ll be sharing 6 steps that I use, and that you certainly can too, to heal the inner critic.
The 6 steps
Recognize it’s voice
Listen to it
Identify its wounds
Empathize with it
Forgive it
Teach it positivity
Now, I’ll be going into detail of what to do during each step with dialogue examples to better understand how that inner process may look like for you.
Explanations & Inner Critic dialogue
Scenario: You’re trying to make a beautiful art piece, drawing, painting, you pick! And your inner critic is speaking up as you sit back and look at your art.
Note: It’s important to recognize if you hear your inner critic’s dialogue with the tense of “you” or “I”. It may not be the same as your regular dialogue thoughts. In this scenario, I will use “you”.
Inner Critic: Wow, this looks like shit. You’re not good enough to be an artist. There are so many better and successful artists out there than you. No one will buy this trash.
Step 1: Recognize the inner critic’s voice.
It decidedly has a different tone than a loving voice. It might sound nasty and snide, scoff at you, use derogatory language.
You will need to pay attention to yourself as you are working on something. The less sure you are of something in an area of your life, the louder the voice may be there. If you enjoy doing something, like sketching, but feel you aren’t good enough, that’s a good place to witness it.
Give it a name
It can also help to differentiate the inner critic’s voice by giving it a name and “personifying” it. This will help it stick out in your mind.
Tip: I do not recommend giving it the same name as someone that you know. And not the same name as someone you don’t like. I’d recommend a unique, new name that doesn’t have a person or memory attached to it.
For our scenario, we’ll name our’s Shelly.
Inner Critic: Wow, this looks like shit. You’re not good enough to be an artist. There are so many better and successful artists out there than you. No one will buy this trash.
You: Wow, that was a mean thought. I don’t feel good about talking to myself that way. I don’t want to talk to myself that way. So, that must be Shelly’s voice, not mine.
You’re right. It isn’t your voice. Our true voice comes from our soul, our heart. It doesn’t put us down like that.
Step 2: Listen to it.
What is the inner critic trying to say? Don’t push down its voice out of fear of its negativity. Allow it to come up so that once we have listened to it, we can bring this voice into balance with healing and mindfulness.
You: What is Shelly saying to me?
Shelly: This painting looks like shit. You’re not good enough to be an artist. There are too many amazing artists out there, and you’re not one of them. No one will support you. You suck. And your art sucks.
I know this part can be painful. Hearing all of those negative thoughts can sometimes be upsetting. If it makes you emotional, that’s okay. Let your emotions come up.
If you need to cry, allow yourself to cry.
Once we have moved past that emotional stage, then we can look deeper into why those emotions hurt us and the wounds they are coming from.
But until then, if you can only manage to listen to it, that is enough.
These steps are stages to go deeper into self-discovery as we are ready to.
Step 3: Identify its wounds.
The voice of the inner critic is always speaking from a wound.
When all parts of us are loved and whole, our thoughts, actions, and words are also loving.
Similarly, if your thoughts are negative, you will find this reflecting into your words and actions, showing us that those roots are coming from a lack of love, creating our wound.
So, identify what ego wounds the inner critic is carrying and speaking from. (Stay tuned for an article on ego wounds next week!)
You: It seems like Shelly feels like she is not good enough with her talents, and is in “competition” to others, meaning she always needs to be the best. She is perfectionistic because nothing can meet her standards. She feels that nobody supports her.
I highly suggest having a notebook to write your thoughts down so you can look back and evaluate them. The more you do this, the more you will notice patterns and be able to trace them to their roots of when they formed and who was involved.
This overlaps with inner child healing, so I’d recommend learning about that too to grasp a deeper self-understanding.
After all, chop the weeds down, they’ll regrow. Dig them up from their roots, and they’ll be gone for good.
Step 4: Empathize with the inner critic.
Where there is negativity, there is a need for empathy and compassion for love to enter to heal it. Because we only heal through love.
After going through step 3, you’ll see that the inner critic is wounded.
And it will stop seeming so large, daunting, and powerful, and rather just a part of you that is lacking love when you realize that it can be soothed and quieted.
Kind of like an upset child that really just needs a nice long hug and to be soothed with loving words.
Tip: If it helps, sometimes it’s easier to visualise your inner critic and giving it a hug and soothing it. Whatever your inner critic may look like for you.
Shelly: You suck! You’re talentless! You’re a nobody!
You: I’m sorry Shelly that you feel that way. I’m sorry that someone told you those things that you believe now. I’m sorry that you weren’t loved like you needed to be.
and talk to it to trace to the roots of where these started from and who made it feel this way.
We dig deeper and deeper every time we do this, like when we’re digging a hole to reach the treasure. You’ll open up the more you practice this so keep at it!
I know this might seem kind of funny to talk to yourself that way, but it really works. And when we’ve all been ignoring, shaming, and repressing that voice, it’s a big shift in energy.
Try it before you knock it!
Step 5: Forgive it.
This mean voice inside of us deserves our forgiveness so that we can release any negative feelings we may be holding towards it, just for it’s negative narrative.
Instead, as we forgive and release all of “our” negative emotions towards the inner critic, we can become more neutral and observe it’s narrative, rather than be sucked into more negativity.
And that happens when we can see the inner critic as a guide to what part of ourselves needs more healing. So it begins to serve us, rather than control all our thoughts and moods.
Also, with forgiveness comes surrender and acceptance. Often we are holding a lot of resistance against our inner critic because we are afraid of it’s negativity and any pain that may come from listening to that voice.
For us to forgive, we have to surrender and accept that it does exist. That it is negative, we are afraid of it, and we do try to run away and hide from it.
Now, we can work on it even deeper because no part of it is in the shadows of the unconscious. It is all in the light of consciousness from us accepting it.
Tell yourself forgiving affirmations.
You: I forgive you, Shelly. I forgive myself for hating you. I forgive myself for being afraid of you. I am releasing all of the fear, anger, and repression I feel around hearing your voice.
Step 6: Teach it positivity.
Now is the time to introduce a more positive, loving thought. In this way, over time, it’s voice can become gentler, quieter, and less destructive.
Be specific to the insecurities your inner critic is voicing from. That’s where it needs more love.
You: You are an amazing artist, Shelly. You put so much love and energy into your artwork. You use art to express your soul, which is so beautiful. You don’t need validation from others to know the value of yourself and your art. Your art is beautiful because you made it. And there are many many people out there that like this sort of art style. Art doesn’t have rules, you made it, so it’s art. Let’s focus on all the beautiful things about this art piece. (Then you can list them out).
Now go and heal it!
There you have it, those are my 6 steps for healing your inner critic.
I hope you are able to take something away from this article that will help you in your life!
I made this worksheet to help keep these in mind, that you can print out for your daily life. It’s a great guide to use for journaling with some bonus exercises at the end!
Let me know, what’s one thing your inner critic is very vocal about?
Mine likes to tell me I’m not good enough, but it’s a quiet whisper now, since i’ve worked on healing it.
That’s all from me today. Head on over to my instagram @goddesslyco for some more daily inspiration, guidance, and love!
