5 ways to practice self-love

The Sweet Scent  |  Louis Picard (French, 1861-1940)

I am all about self-love here at Goddessly. It will change your life completely. And it’s the key to beginning our spiritual journey.

Love is the highest vibration for us to experience, and the most profound, transformative energy we can tap into and embody to heal ourselves, as well as the planet.

An important lesson on this journey is that you are as worthy of love as anybody else.

Giving love to yourself should be a priority.

It’s not selfish.

You can’t give when you don’t have anything to give.

You can’t bring about as much love and change (as an evolving soul - lightworker, starseed, etc.) when you’re stuck in the negative thought patterns you picked up from your childhood, life experiences, and conditionings.

Loving yourself is radical.

Be radical, love.

And on that note, let’s dive into the 5 different ways you can begin your self-love practices.

5 ways to practice self-love

1. Talk to yourself like you would with a child

• You may notice that you are incredibly hard on yourself when you begin this practice. That is a byproduct of living in a comparison, not good enough(taught in the school system), highly competitive, dog-eat-dog world. There is no room for self-compassion here, and we are never taught to be that way. 

• Be kind and gentle, patient, and comforting, like you would be with a young child. Then be forgiving when you “mess up” and teach yourself again what you must learn. 

• A good way to gauge how self-compassionate you are is to ask yourself: 

  • Would I talk to a child this way?

  • If not, how can I bring more kindness and patience into my self-dialogue?

  • How and why am I being unkind to myself? (this is important to see what belief you have created those thoughts from)

2. Affirmations, affirmations, affirmations

• For our brain to learn something new, it must be introduced and then kept engaged with practice and repetition to build those new neural pathways.

• You need affirmations that you can both

  • see - leave little notes everywhere, on your mirror, your car, your bedroom walls, paintings/pictures with affirmations on them. Be creative & decorate on everything - your binders, water bottles, bags, etc.

  • hear - change the music you listen to it if it’s overly negative. Your brain cannot tell the difference of it you’re saying it to yourself or the singer/rapper is.

    Your emotional and mental fields will pick up on this energy and incorporate it into your energy. Remember, repetition creates thought patterns that create emotional responses and belief systems.

3. Praise & reward yourself

• We want to move out of punishment-based learning. Reward yourself for positivity, and if you “fail”, see that as a learning opportunity & gently remind yourself of what it is you are learning.

• You also want to reward yourself for trying. Talk to yourself with encouragement and be your own cheerleader.

4. Throw failure out of your dictionary

• “Failure” - or not achieving a personal goal/success

• Collectively, we hold a wound around failure with our highly competitive and non-self-compassionate society. Much of everything is based on how we are not good enough (grades in the school system). So failure ends up being taught and learned as a mechanism for self-defeat, low self-worth, giving up, & generally holds negative energy around it

• To remove failure from our dictionary means we are no longer going to identify with it, but instead use it to switch to a positive, growth and learning-oriented mindset.  Whereas, failure is more of a goal-based mindset, (perfect for the corporate world to make more $$$ by setting up this structure) Ex:

  • Not good enough, goal-based mindset - I didn’t finish my art project on the date I expected myself to finish. I am a failure. I didn’t hit my goal. I’m not good enough. I always let myself down (followed by feelings of shame, guilt, anger, self-loathing, defeat, low self-esteem/confidence)

  • Growth-oriented, self-compassionate mindset - I set a goal for my art project with unrealistic expectations. It’s okay, I forgive myself for putting hard expectations on myself. I am learning and growing, and that is a success. Plus, look at how much I’ve accomplished, I’m proud of that. Now, I can learn to work on being more compassionate with what I expect from myself.

    Assess the systems you are using and if they are helping you reach your goals, with the natural rhythms and flows of your body. Make sure it feels good for you. And that your goals are compassionate and patient. When “failure” is a learning opportunity to grow and do better, it’s no longer holding that energy other negative energy.

• This process takes time to shift into that mindset, it doesn’t happen overnight, and that’s okay. It takes time to unlearn what we have been taught for years and decades. Be gentle with yourself.

5. Honor yourself

• With your time and energy

• Set boundaries with the people in your life

  • speak up, express yourself

  • learn to say no when you mean no

  • have clear, honest communication

  • know what you deserve and accept nothing less

  • equal giving/ receiving in relationships

  • be firm with your expectations/ boundaries

  • walk away when you need to (which you will as your self worth grows)

• Prioritize yourself

  • you are just as important as everyone else is

  • stop being a martyr - you cannot save others, they can only save themselves

  • fill your cup first!!! You cannot help others when you have nothing to give

  • not everybody deserves your love and positivity! Be selective of who you share your energy with

• Self-accountability

  • you are responsible for yourself, not anyone else’s emotions/actions

  • don’t allow others to manipulate you (through guilt, shame, fear, blame, power dynamics, etc.)

  • know that setting boundaries triggers entitled people (set them anyways and let go of those people)

  • hold your boundaries (you will be questioned on your boundaries and accused of being selfish. You are not, they are)

  • Release victimhood mindsets

  • cultivate an empowered mindset & create the life you desire

• Focus on yourself, not other's opinions

  • why worry about judgement from people you don’t know or who you don’t want to be like

  • release worry of judgement, criticism, anger, hate, etc.

  • people living through ego-based consciousness will always feel triggered (by the truth & by what triggers their ego wounds)

  • their judgement is a reflection of themselves, not you

  • it is a THEM problem, not you problem

  • worry of judgement comes from fear, learn to trace it to your core wounds to work on it and release it

• Allow yourself to dream and do the things you love to do

  • nobody can take away what lights you up inside when you don’t allow them to

  • don’t listen to other people’s opinions. It is irrelevant

  • know that they have allowed their light to die because they didn’t believe in themselves & the Universe when they try to convince you not to follow your dreams

  • don’t share your dreams with other people, only the close few who you can trust (healthy relationships w/ healthy boundaries)

  • learn to believe in yourself

  • allowing yourself to dream is the first step for believing in yourself and the life you desire to live

WOW, that is a loooott, and it’s just a scratch to the surface! I hope you’re able to go over this a few times to let it reeaaallllly sink in. So you can understand it better and bring it into your own life.

Here’s a quick recap:

1. Talk to yourself like you would with a child

2. Affirmations

3. Praise & reward yourself

4. Throw failure out of your dictionary

5. Honor yourself

Now, take what you’ve learned here and go give some love to yourself! Do you practice any of these? How has it changed your life? Or if you don’t, which is calling out to you the most to begin doing?

From my heart to yours!

XOXO

P.S. I love affirmations. They are such wonderful, cute reminders, like love notes for yourself! Isn’t that just so adorable?!