Definition, the root, & self-reflection

Oh boy…. boundaries.

That one thing we all struggle with.

Trust me, ALL of us.

And if you feel like you don’t have any boundary struggles, unless you’ve done deep inner work, I’m going to just geeennntttlleeeeyyyy nudge you to look deeper, and see if that’s really true for you.

Hopefully by the end of this article, you’ll gain a deeper understanding of boundaries and with the use of real life examples, see how that applies to your own life!

You ready? Let’s dive in :)

Defining boundaries

WTF even are boundaries? Seriously, pause and ask yourself right now.

(Journal prompt) Even better, scribble it down or write it out on your phone before you read further, and once again when you’ve read this article, to see how your perspective and understanding has changed. You’re going to save yourself from a lot of pain learning this.

If you aren’t completely sure, that’s one thing I want you to clearly take away from this article; exactly what boundaries are.

Boundaries are the spaces and lines we draw, emotionally, mentally, & physically, to honor our needs & nourish our wellbeing. We create the guidelines for how we wish to be treated, and what interactions are nourishing & supportive to our growth as a person.

Re-read that again, slowly and intentionally below. Really let it sink in, and I’ll break it down even simpler.

Boundaries are the spaces and lines we draw, emotionally, mentally, & physically, to honor our needs & nourish our wellbeing. We create the guidelines for how we wish to be treated, and what interactions are nourishing & supportive to our growth as a person.

The simpler explanation

We create our boundaries.

Boundaries are us telling, showing, teaching others, how we wish to be treated.

So to know how we want others to treat us, we need to get in touch with ourselves first.

How do you wish to treat yourself? And how do you treat yourself rn? What are you tolerating that you don’t want to?

And then from there, what are the guidelines we are creating for ourselves to follow? What we do and do not allow for and of ourselves.

Ex: No wishy-washy behaviors from partners, clear communication and no longer holding in feelings, walking out of toxic situations, etc.

Basically, what I’m saying is, boundaries tell others how you are okay to be treated as.

This of course, is the same with our self-relationship, environments, & habits.

The Catch & the root

We aren’t intentionally taught how to set boundaries. Mainly because, everyone else struggles with boundaries too.

Oh, did someone say people-pleasing and sucking up?

So, we all have some form of a shitty, lack of a boundary. Which is in itself, the boundary; that you don’t have one.

Boundaries have a lot of energetic attachment, self-worth, wounding & empowerment connected to them, that we will be exploring briefly in this article.

For example, you may not even realize, that putting up with bullshit shows that you are lacking a boundary around tolerating negative energy in your life, which means some part of you is okay to have this interaction…. subconsciously.

I know, crazy right?! And before you jump the gun and get upset by that, I will be explaining how we self-sabotage ourselves in that way, even when it SEEMS like we don’t tolerate bs, but we are still having interactions like that.

Did that make sense? If not, re-read this section, because this is super important to know and understand to move forward clearly.

Trust me, this stuff is soo important, it will change your whole life once you know it so you can implement it.

(Journal prompt) What’s everything you’ve learned about boundaries in these last 2 sections? Try & have at-least 2 things!

The Energetics

Let’s review super quickly.

• We create our boundaries

• Boundaries show others how we wish to be treated

Okay, now that we know that, here’s what’s next.

Your boundaries, or lack thereof (ouch you’re not a doormat, sweetie), were first formed in childhood and in relationship with your parents/guardians/care-takers.

So to really know what your boundaries are, you’re going to need to sit down and do some journaling.

(Eventually, I do suggest an intuitive, spiritual coach that can help you see deeper within your own being and what you cannot see of yourself.)

But for now, as a start, journaling and self-reflection is enough. I’ll be giving you some prompts at the end, so stay tuned for that.

The childhood energetic dynamics: where it all started

In childhood, with our first primary relationship (usually our parents), we learned what was and wasn’t appropriate. What type of behavior would cause a certain response, good or bad, and in this way, our people pleasing was formed.

People-pleasing was so absolutely necessary as children, as our survival depended on our parents taking care of us. We would literally die if we weren’t.

But as we become older, late teens to adulthood, we learn how to set boundaries from others, usually through unwanted conflict & drama. And from who were they initially formed from?

Our parents.

So what’s the big deal? Why am I hating on people-pleasing, you ask? And possibly even our parents?

LOL, I’m not, I promise.

Just laying down the foundation for your understanding.

People-pleasing shows a complete lack of boundaries.

So now that you’re aware, when you go into your self-reflection it’ll be important to ask yourself what type of boundaries you feel you did or did not have with your parents.

Aka a walk down memory lane :)

The Self-reflection

We are mirrors of our parents & ancestors.

Whether you like your parents or not. And particularly even more so if you don’t like them, you should really look into your boundaries and how they are similar to your parent’s boundaries. We usually disassociate anything that may be similar to people we don’t like, within us, so we have a hard time seeing that aspect of us.

So you’re going to need to start exploring your childhood dynamics with your parents. I also included some light exploration for you to do with what you desire, connecting back to our definition of boundaries, for how you wish to be treated, and what interactions are nourishing & supportive to your growth as a person.

1. Where do you feel they do or do not have boundaries?

   1. With each other?

   2. With other people?

   3. And with you?

2. And how would you like to be treated?

   1. With you towards yourself?

   2. From your parents?

   3. And from other people?

For ex. boundaries can be with communicating, with actions, with respecting other people’s decisions, space, emotions, with controlling others, etc.

Then you look at yourself and see if you may have those same boundary struggles, as your parents do.

The Wrap up

I think It’ll leave it there. There’s a lot here for you to uncover here. Go and re-read the article. I promise it will sink in even deeper every time and you’ll learn something new again.

We learned:

• What boundaries are

• How they are formed

• & some self-reflection to do

Actually, do the self-reflection!!

Seriously, I promise this will change your life! Do the journal prompts, and go over the few questions I have asked you to look into, and you’ll begin to see some patterns show up for you.

For the future

We’ll need to deconstruct those, work through the memories and the emotions attached, as well as the beliefs those moments formed within you, consciously & subconsciously.

I tried to keep it really short and concise. Too much at once is confusing and not beneficial for absorbing the wisdom and reflecting on it. But this is a good starting point first, so that you don’t get too overwhelmed!

Love you lots!

If you do decide to do the journal prompts, let me know on IG what you learned, and what’s coming up for you! @Gurujot

P.S. I may make another article on real life examples that can be relatable for recognizing what lack of boundaries, as well as overstepping your boundaries looks like, if that’s needed. Let me know, I’m here to support you! ❤

Happy Soul exploration!

Gurjot